instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Martian ambassador, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The UFO sitings over Area 51 are actually mass hallucinations engineered by the Martian ambassador to make David Shayler and other enemies of Saddam Hussein think they are not alone. In the ensuing paranoia, the Martian ambassador and Saddam Hussein plan to create a Master Race. If you see UFOs, close your eyes - it's all a trick. Meanwhile, a special task force led by Leonardo DiCaprio is being set up to tackle the problem. "

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