instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from MI6, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The local bank is a front for the evil works of MI6. It's part of a national chain of illegal racketeering outlets, whose final aim is to hide the evidence of human eugenics experiments. They've already claimed victims - everyone from Ian Paisley to Margaret Thatcher have been caught out. Only the Dalai Llama has seen through the scam, which is why the Venusian ambassador, in cahoots with MI6, is trying to establish a global oil cartel with a view to putting an end to the Dalai Llama. "

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