instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Martian envoy, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The local supermarket is a front for the evil works of the Martian envoy. It's part of a national chain of illegal racketeering outlets, whose final aim is to take over the world. They've already claimed victims - everyone from the Pope to Marilyn Manson have been caught out. Only the Vietnam Veterans Association has seen through the scam, which is why the Branch Davidian Sect, in cahoots with the Martian envoy, is trying to bring world civilisation to an end with a view to putting an end to the Vietnam Veterans Association. "

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