instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Martian ambassador, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The UFO sitings over the Rockies are actually mass hallucinations engineered by the Martian ambassador to make Ian Paisley and other enemies of Bill Clinton think they are not alone. In the ensuing paranoia, the Martian ambassador and Bill Clinton plan to take over the world. If you see UFOs, close your eyes - it's all a trick. Meanwhile, a special task force led by our Venusian protectors is being set up to tackle the problem. "

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