instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Venusian ambassador, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The local supermarket is a front for the evil works of the Venusian ambassador. It's part of a national chain of illegal racketeering outlets, whose final aim is to establish a global oil cartel. They've already claimed victims - everyone from the Pope to Richard Tomlinson have been caught out. Only George Bush has seen through the scam, which is why Bill Clinton, in cahoots with the Venusian ambassador, is trying to bring about a new Great Flood with a view to putting an end to George Bush. "

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