instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Martian commander-in-chief, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "A rogue A.I. is stealing people so that it can create a race of robot overlords by putting them into a computer simulation where they have to track the Pope to a secret base near Washington. The mental power thus produced by the captive thinkers allows the Martian commander-in-chief, in league with the AI, to compromise Col. Ghadaffi allowing the Martian commander-in-chief to hide the evidence of alien visitations. "

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