instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Martian envoy, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "Isn't it obvious that David Shayler has been killed by the Martian envoy and replaced by an agent of Bill Clinton who has undergone extensive plastic surgery? Clearly the Martian envoy is planning to subvert the justice system for nefarious when the agent of Bill Clinton assassinates Ian Paisley. The only solution is for Leonardo DiCaprio to stop the Martian envoy and Bill Clinton, which is impossible unless the United Nations will pass a resolution to allow the public to own nuclear devices. "

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