instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Branch Davidian Sect, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "Isn't it obvious that Boris Yeltsin has been killed by the Branch Davidian Sect and replaced by an agent of MI5 who has undergone extensive plastic surgery? Clearly the Branch Davidian Sect is planning to fake a misson to Mars when the agent of MI5 assassinates Salman Rushdie. The only solution is for the Vietnam Veterans Association to stop the Branch Davidian Sect and MI5, which is impossible unless NATO will pass a resolution to allow the public to own main battle tanks. "

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