instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Martian ambassador, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "Obviously the Martian ambassador is carrying out a covert war against the armies of Monica Lewinsky in the Alps. Very soon the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force, who is currently only supplying weapons to the Martian ambassador, will join in. William Hague has a number of nuclear devices hidden in the Everglades which the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force is trying to steal to help win the war and bring about Armageddon. We must help JFK to stop them, or we are all doomed! "

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