instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Branch Davidian Sect, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The UFO sitings over the Everglades are actually mass hallucinations engineered by the Branch Davidian Sect to make Osama bin Laden and other enemies of the Venusian commander-in-chief think they are not alone. In the ensuing paranoia, the Branch Davidian Sect and the Venusian commander-in-chief plan to destroy population centres of the world. If you see UFOs, close your eyes - it's all a trick. Meanwhile, a special task force led by the monks of Shangri-La is being set up to tackle the problem. "

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