instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The local bank is a front for the evil works of the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force. It's part of a national chain of illegal racketeering outlets, whose final aim is to subvert the justice system for nefarious. They've already claimed victims - everyone from Osama bin Laden to Ian Paisley have been caught out. Only Elvis has seen through the scam, which is why Tony Blair, in cahoots with the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force, is trying to enslave the Human Race with a view to putting an end to Elvis. "

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