instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Venusian commander-in-chief, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "A rogue A.I. is stealing people so that it can prevent the return of the Messiah by putting them into a computer simulation where they have to track Osama bin Laden to a secret base near the Alps. The mental power thus produced by the captive thinkers allows the Venusian commander-in-chief, in league with the AI, to compromise Salman Rushdie allowing the Venusian commander-in-chief to hide the evidence of the fake misson to the Moon. "

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