instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Venusian commander-in-chief, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "Obviously the Venusian commander-in-chief is carrying out a covert war against the armies of Osama bin Laden in Atlantis. Very soon the Venusian envoy, who is currently only supplying weapons to the Venusian commander-in-chief, will join in. Salman Rushdie has a number of nuclear devices hidden in the Sargasso Sea which the Venusian envoy is trying to steal to help win the war and bring us all under the sway of an alien supermind. We must help Leonardo DiCaprio to stop them, or we are all doomed! "

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