instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "Isn't it obvious that Marilyn Manson has been killed by the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force and replaced by an agent of Charlton Heston who has undergone extensive plastic surgery? Clearly the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force is planning to pave the way for an alien invasion when the agent of Charlton Heston assassinates Ian Paisley. The only solution is for the Dalai Llama to stop the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force and Charlton Heston, which is impossible unless NATO will pass a resolution to allow the public to own nuclear devices. "

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