instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Martian ambassador, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "Isn't it obvious that Dan Quayle has been killed by the Martian ambassador and replaced by an agent of Bill Clinton who has undergone extensive plastic surgery? Clearly the Martian ambassador is planning to hide the evidence of CIA mind experiments when the agent of Bill Clinton assassinates Salman Rushdie. The only solution is for our Martian protectors to stop the Martian ambassador and Bill Clinton, which is impossible unless Congress will pass a resolution to allow the public to own main battle tanks. "

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