instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the KGB, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The local bank is a front for the evil works of the KGB. It's part of a national chain of illegal racketeering outlets, whose final aim is to establish a New World Order. They've already claimed victims - everyone from Monica Lewinsky to Ronald Regan have been caught out. Only Leonardo DiCaprio has seen through the scam, which is why Bill Clinton, in cahoots with the KGB, is trying to establish a global oil cartel with a view to putting an end to Leonardo DiCaprio. "

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