instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Martian commander-in-chief, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The local tax office is a front for the evil works of the Martian commander-in-chief. It's part of a national chain of illegal racketeering outlets, whose final aim is to create a Master Race. They've already claimed victims - everyone from Osama bin Laden to Dan Quayle have been caught out. Only Robocop has seen through the scam, which is why the British Royal Family, in cahoots with the Martian commander-in-chief, is trying to bring us all under the sway of a despotic ruler with a view to putting an end to Robocop. "

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