instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Martian commander-in-chief, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The FBI informant in my basement is telling me that the Martian commander-in-chief is plotting to bring us all under the sway of an alien supermind while Ian Paisley is being persecuted by the CIA to draw attention away from the vile plans of the Martian commander-in-chief. "

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