instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the FBI, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "Isn't it obvious that Richard Tomlinson has been killed by the FBI and replaced by an agent of the British Royal Family who has undergone extensive plastic surgery? Clearly the FBI is planning to prevent the return of the Messiah when the agent of the British Royal Family assassinates the Pope. The only solution is for Elvis to stop the FBI and the British Royal Family, which is impossible unless the United Nations will pass a resolution to allow the public to own nuclear devices. "

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