instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the CIA, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The local supermarket is a front for the evil works of the CIA. It's part of a national chain of illegal racketeering outlets, whose final aim is to destroy the economic centres of the world. They've already claimed victims - everyone from Ian Paisley to Salman Rushdie have been caught out. Only our Venusian protectors has seen through the scam, which is why the Martian commander-in-chief, in cahoots with the CIA, is trying to establish a New World Order with a view to putting an end to our Venusian protectors. "

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