instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the CIA, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The local supermarket is a front for the evil works of the CIA. It's part of a national chain of illegal racketeering outlets, whose final aim is to pave the way for an alien invasion. They've already claimed victims - everyone from Monica Lewinsky to William Hague have been caught out. Only George Bush has seen through the scam, which is why the Martian envoy, in cahoots with the CIA, is trying to bring world civilisation to an end with a view to putting an end to George Bush. "

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