instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The local bank is a front for the evil works of the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force. It's part of a national chain of illegal racketeering outlets, whose final aim is to hide the evidence of CIA mind experiments. They've already claimed victims - everyone from the Pope to Richard Tomlinson have been caught out. Only the Spice Girls has seen through the scam, which is why the Branch Davidian Sect, in cahoots with the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force, is trying to take over the world with a view to putting an end to the Spice Girls. "

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