instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from Charlton Heston, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "Obviously Charlton Heston is carrying out a covert war against the armies of Dan Quayle in the Sargasso Sea. Very soon the Branch Davidian Sect, who is currently only supplying weapons to Charlton Heston, will join in. Col. Ghadaffi has a number of nuclear devices hidden in the Alps which the Branch Davidian Sect is trying to steal to help win the war and bring about Armageddon. We must help Steven Spielberg to stop them, or we are all doomed! "

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