instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Martian commander-in-chief, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "Isn't it obvious that Ian Paisley has been killed by the Martian commander-in-chief and replaced by an agent of Tony Blair who has undergone extensive plastic surgery? Clearly the Martian commander-in-chief is planning to destroy population centres of the world when the agent of Tony Blair assassinates Marilyn Manson. The only solution is for Leonardo DiCaprio to stop the Martian commander-in-chief and Tony Blair, which is impossible unless Congress will pass a resolution to allow the public to own nuclear devices. "

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