instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Branch Davidian Sect, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The local bank is a front for the evil works of the Branch Davidian Sect. It's part of a national chain of illegal racketeering outlets, whose final aim is to establish a global oil cartel. They've already claimed victims - everyone from William Hague to the Queen have been caught out. Only the Dalai Llama has seen through the scam, which is why the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force, in cahoots with the Branch Davidian Sect, is trying to take over the world with a view to putting an end to the Dalai Llama. "

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