instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "A rogue A.I. is stealing people so that it can prevent the return of the Messiah by putting them into a computer simulation where they have to track Monica Lewinsky to a secret base near the Alps. The mental power thus produced by the captive thinkers allows the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force, in league with the AI, to compromise Osama bin Laden allowing the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force to take over the world. "

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