instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from Charlton Heston, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "Isn't it obvious that Ronald Regan has been killed by Charlton Heston and replaced by an agent of the Venusian envoy who has undergone extensive plastic surgery? Clearly Charlton Heston is planning to create a race of slaves when the agent of the Venusian envoy assassinates the Pope. The only solution is for our Venusian protectors to stop Charlton Heston and the Venusian envoy, which is impossible unless Congress will pass a resolution to allow the public to own nuclear devices. "

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