instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "A rogue A.I. is stealing people so that it can hide the evidence of alien visitations by putting them into a computer simulation where they have to track Ian Paisley to a secret base near Pristina. The mental power thus produced by the captive thinkers allows the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force, in league with the AI, to compromise Monica Lewinsky allowing the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force to create a race of robot overlords. "

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