instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from Saddam Hussein, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The local supermarket is a front for the evil works of Saddam Hussein. It's part of a national chain of illegal racketeering outlets, whose final aim is to bring us all under the sway of an inhuman cabal of evil genii. They've already claimed victims - everyone from the Pope to Osama bin Laden have been caught out. Only Rambo has seen through the scam, which is why MI6, in cahoots with Saddam Hussein, is trying to establish a global oil cartel with a view to putting an end to Rambo. "

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