instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Martian envoy, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The UFO sitings over Area 51 are actually mass hallucinations engineered by the Martian envoy to make Richard Tomlinson and other enemies of MI5 think they are not alone. In the ensuing paranoia, the Martian envoy and MI5 plan to prevent the return of the Messiah. If you see UFOs, close your eyes - it's all a trick. Meanwhile, a special task force led by the NRA is being set up to tackle the problem. "

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