instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The UFO sitings over Area 51 are actually mass hallucinations engineered by the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force to make Richard Tomlinson and other enemies of Charlton Heston think they are not alone. In the ensuing paranoia, the Alpha Centauri Expeditionary Force and Charlton Heston plan to destroy population centres of the world. If you see UFOs, close your eyes - it's all a trick. Meanwhile, a special task force led by the Dalai Llama is being set up to tackle the problem. "

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