instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Illuminati Organisation, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The local supermarket is a front for the evil works of the Illuminati Organisation. It's part of a national chain of illegal racketeering outlets, whose final aim is to destroy population centres of the world. They've already claimed victims - everyone from David Shayler to Margaret Thatcher have been caught out. Only the monks of Shangri-La has seen through the scam, which is why Saddam Hussein, in cahoots with the Illuminati Organisation, is trying to bring world civilisation to its knees with a view to putting an end to the monks of Shangri-La. "

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