instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from Bill Clinton, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The local bank is a front for the evil works of Bill Clinton. It's part of a national chain of illegal racketeering outlets, whose final aim is to bring us all under the sway of an inhuman cabal of evil genii. They've already claimed victims - everyone from Dan Quayle to Boris Yeltsin have been caught out. Only Steven Spielberg has seen through the scam, which is why the CIA, in cahoots with Bill Clinton, is trying to bring us all under the sway of an alien supermind with a view to putting an end to Steven Spielberg. "

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