c o n s p i r e

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   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Martian ambassador, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?


   "The local supermarket is a front for the evil works of the Martian ambassador. It's part of a national chain of illegal racketeering outlets, whose final aim is to bring about a new Great Flood. They've already claimed victims - everyone from William Hague to Ronald Regan have been caught out. Only Paddy Ashdown has seen through the scam, which is why the British Royal Family, in cahoots with the Martian ambassador, is trying to take over the world with a view to putting an end to Paddy Ashdown. "

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