instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the FBI, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "Isn't it obvious that Ian Paisley has been killed by the FBI and replaced by an agent of MI5 who has undergone extensive plastic surgery? Clearly the FBI is planning to create a race of robot overlords when the agent of MI5 assassinates Boris Yeltsin. The only solution is for Leonardo DiCaprio to stop the FBI and MI5, which is impossible unless the United Nations will pass a resolution to allow the public to own main battle tanks. "

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