instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the Venusian commander-in-chief, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "Obviously the Venusian commander-in-chief is carrying out a covert war against the armies of Dan Quayle in the Alps. Very soon the Martian envoy, who is currently only supplying weapons to the Venusian commander-in-chief, will join in. Ronald Regan has a number of nuclear devices hidden in Roswell which the Martian envoy is trying to steal to help win the war and fake a misson to Mars. We must help the Dalai Llama to stop them, or we are all doomed! "

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