instructions

   this is your conspiracy theory. mutter it in bars, scream it on street corners, keep it to yourself for fear of reprisals from the British Royal Family, do what you want with it. good luck.

   please note: we can't guarantee a coherent theory. it may even be self-contradictory. this hasn't mattered to generations of conspiracy theorists, why should it matter to you?

theory

   "The local supermarket is a front for the evil works of the British Royal Family. It's part of a national chain of illegal racketeering outlets, whose final aim is to fake a misson to Mars. They've already claimed victims - everyone from Salman Rushdie to Boris Yeltsin have been caught out. Only the monks of Shangri-La has seen through the scam, which is why the FBI, in cahoots with the British Royal Family, is trying to create a race of slaves with a view to putting an end to the monks of Shangri-La. "

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